Let's have a conversation. It should be friendly. I explain my point of view. You explain yours. I understand where you are coming from, but I openly disagree. My disagreement tickles some existing neglected negative emotion inside you. You take my opinion as a personal attack. This reaction tells me that in this moment, at least, you are stubborn, ignorant, insecure, defensive, unaware, and overly proud. In a word, vulnerable. So long as I maintain composure anyway. You immediately counterattack me with an argument that is completely unrelated to the original topic of conversation. This only confirms the accuracy of my original assessment. However irrational you may seem, I assume that you're at least loosely following some sequential train of thought. Therefore the content of your argument points to exactly what it is you are so defensive about. Within minutes, our conversation has flown so far off course that we forget what we were talking about in the first place. We are both frustrated now, whether or not we choose to show it. All this, for what? Because we have differing opinions? Not likely.Some time in the last three months I wrote this down out of frustration. I felt this way, like I have many times before, towards several different people. Since this keeps happening, however infrequently, I can't help but think I'm at fault to some degree. Reading it now, I can pick out some points that I might criticize as a friend, to my self that day. It's interesting how we struggle with superiority sometimes in such mundane activities and conversation. I often feel like I have something of value to share with people. Unfortunately, when I do, I forget that I don't like it when I notice other people feeling that way. It's one thing to be a credible source. It's quite another to act like you should be. Even if you are. So much of what people communicate lies in how they communicate. Sometimes when I go back and read over my blog entries, I think, "hmmm, this probably annoyed somebody. What made me an authority on the matter?" So I'm a hypocrite. Or is that statement a paradox?
In the words of Peter Griffin, "Everything I've ever said has been a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that..."
Your thoughts made me think about whether or not I was guilty of such styles of conversation. I probably am... I love that your thoughts always make me take stock of myself! Like the time you pointed out that I said "I'm looking to move" instead of "we"... I brushed it off but you were right (you usually are) and it was a game changer for me! Thanks good buddy!
ReplyDeleteI don't feel like I can give you any conversation advice because I can't cast the fist stone. Sorry man.
However, I can say that yes, people probably takes things personally when they shouldn't. It's their choice. But your thoughts, though provoking, provoke most people to really think about what you've said and evaluate themselves. In our consumer driven world, people often don't think about what it is that they actually think about. They don't take the time to have the observations that you do. I've noticed that a lot. But your comments help to initiate thought, even if they choose to be offended. John Adams, father of the revolution, was also called "the great agitator". What made him the authority? Or John Locke, or Thomas Payne the authority on what they wrote? Most that most people agreed with them while still more people were offended... Just a thought.